Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
