i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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