Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
