New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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