No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I lost the right to judge tonight
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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