On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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