honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I look better un-naked...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
