I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
