i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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