Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
