i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
