DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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