haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
