first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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