I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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