Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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