I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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