Swine flu. Run for my life!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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