u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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