the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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