I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
