JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
