how do flat chested girls get laid?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
