he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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