Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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