i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
