Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
