my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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