Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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