margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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