So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
