My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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