Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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