Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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