He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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