proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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