I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
