I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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