i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and she was petting her beer can
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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