went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
