I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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