I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
