He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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