i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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