I cockslap morals
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
