He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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