Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
