My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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