I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
