Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
