last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
